Does September Actually Suck? (Or am I Just Salty?... 🧐)

September's have never been a particularly thrilling highlight of the year. They're a comedown after a summer spent lazing around the house in light, floaty tops while sipping fizzy lemonade, a reluctant transition into a new academic year of planners, timetables and schedules. They're readjusting to early mornings, crisp uniforms and stiff plastic chairs that dig into your ass while you're trying to pay attention to new teachers and new rules (thanks, Dua Lipa). 

Sometimes I'm really thankful I don't have that anymore. I still hold my breath a little bit, I still feel nervous when September rolls around, like I'm expecting to be plunged into a new, rigorous ritual of planning for the future, after being so content and present. It takes awhile for the nerves to dissipate and then I remember that now, September is exactly what I make of it. 

Like I said, sometimes I'm really thankful for that. 
Other times I feel jealous of the 'Moving In Day!' posts that flood my Facebook newsfeed, the stationary hauls and 'back-to-school' guides that overwhelm Youtube, and I can still remember that little bit of excitement for the unknown that would occasionally crop up. I can imagine how scary and thrilling and wonderful it must feel to begin the next chapter, to pursue something you love and learn everything new about it while getting to meet people from all different walks of life. I've always been somewhat 'against' university, but September has become a month of unbelievable longing, the kind that sits on your chest and puts a lump in your throat, even when you're really happy for all those people. 
I can't help but go over all the 'what if's'; I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason, and I wouldn't change a single decision I've made up until now. They've shaped me into who I am in this moment. But it’s so, so tempting to wonder how thing’s might be different if you’d made one big (or little) decision.

Either way, this is an open apology to September for being so bitter about it, when really, it’s just societies crushing level of expectation that makes it seem a bit shit. It’s actually a really beautiful month, when the sun starts to calm down, leaves start to turn orange, and the sweaters can come back out.
Sorry, September. U the real MVP x

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