Out of Sight, Out of Mind
It’s a really weird feeling to fall out of love with something you’re passionate about. Photography has been a very solid part of my life for the last few years. I can’t really remember the last time I took such a long break from it, but since taking such a long break from it, for some reason I’m finding it difficult to get on with. It used to be really empowering for me, like a confidence boost whenever I planned, shot and edited something I was really excited about; now I can’t seem to stop picking things apart until I’m not proud of the finished product anymore.
Maybe ‘falling out of love with’ is a strong statement. I still daydream about it, I get fidgety when I don’t have anything to work on in post, and I really miss working with other creatives on something we’re all really passionate about. But I don’t really know where to go from here; taking another break seems redundant, since I’m kinda doing that right now. But the more I force myself to shoot, the more I scrutinise my own work and it’s actually really exhausting. I’ve busied myself with other hobbies and interests, but the more I look at my poor camera gathering dust on the shelf, the more I feel like a fake. Like, was I ever really interested at all?
This was one of the first shoots I did after getting back home and I felt super rusty, but as usual, Fran was such an awesome support the whole time. We traipsed around Hampstead Heath to put together this small autumnal ‘editorial’, and then messed around with this gorgeous gown I found in a charity shop. Fran is one of those models who just knows what you’re looking for (even if you don’t), so I’m really grateful to have worked with her again (thank you, lovely!). I’m also glad I got straight back into it instead of putting photography off for even longer, but like I said, I’m not sure where to go from here.
I guess it’s something all creatives go through, because whoever said having an artistic passion was meant to be simple or easy? I’m just waiting for this moment to pass so I can keep going. Here’s hoping it won’t take too much longer!